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My Story - Elsa Gibbs

My husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on December 14, 2003. We had a small gathering with the children and immediate family at the Cherry Hill House, one of our favorite restaurants. We were happily married, had brought up three wonderful children and were looking forward to a trip to Hawaii the following March to celebrate our wedding anniversary. This was going to be a very exciting trip, as we had some great memories, and said that one day we would go back. Everything seemed to be going so well. We enjoyed traveling, going to the movies, the theatre or just taking a simple walk in the park on a Sunday afternoon. I actually remember thinking how good life was, not knowing that within a very short period of time, my life would be changed forever.

In mid November, John had been diagnosed with pneumonia, nothing too serious we initially thought. My husband’s main concern was that he couldn’t play another game of golf for the season, as he was an avid golfer. He seemed to be getting better, but just a few days before Christmas, John began to feel ill again. On December 24th, after a sleepless night, we decided to go to the emergency room at a local hospital. This was more of a precaution with the Holiday Season approaching. It was then decided that John should be admitted as his oxygen level was low. We all thought, including John, that he would soon be home to open his Christmas gifts with the family. But that never happened and from that moment on, my life began a downward spiral. On January 6, 2004 a lung biopsy was performed.

As John was being wheeled to the operating room his last words to me were “you know I have always loved you”. Tests later revealed that John had an Acute Pneumonia. It progressed very quickly and on January 24, 2004 one of the attending doctors in the ICU, told me “there is a very good chance that your husband will die tonight”. I was devastated. The children and I went home and waited for the call. When it finally came, we returned to the hospital. John had passed away in the early morning of January 25, 2004.

What I felt at first:

I was in shock. I was angry. I felt as though my world had come to an end! This could not he happening. Surely, I was going to wake up and find out it was only a bad dream. John was always upbeat, full of life. How could this have happened? We had so many plans, so many dreams to fulfill. We thought that we would get old together. I felt very overwhelmed, trying to make funeral arrangements, making decisions with the children. I didn’t think I could survive.

What had gone wrong? What had we missed? How could we have prevented his death? I kept apologizing to John for not being able to save him. From that point on things only seemed to get worse…On the day of the funeral, the main water pipe connecting to the house burst and we were left without water for 24 hours. Why this as well? And at a time like this? How was I going to cope on my own? Could I handle it? I didn’t think I could. Even though I was surrounded by family and friends I felt very alone. After the funeral I kept very busy, returned to work shortly after trying to get some normality back into my life. Everyone thought I was doing so well, deep down inside, I was just surviving one day at the time and was very lonely.

What helped:

I soon realized that I couldn’t handle it on my own. I had one-on-one counseling which I found to be very helpful in getting me through this difficult time. I also had group sessions and found them to be extremely important in my grieving process. Being able to share my feelings and my experiences with other people who had significant losses and understood what I was going through, made me realize I was not alone.

I have made new friends and can count on their support whenever needed. The healing process is not over yet, but as I’m trying to move on with my life, I find the roller coaster ride is less frequent now. I went on a cruise with “Among Friends” and actually had a good time. This seemed impossible just a little over a year ago. I still miss John and will always cherish the memories and the good times we had together.

What I learned:

I’ve learned that I can make it on my own and that it is possible to laugh and enjoy yourself again. I have the capability and strength to carry on, even though this is not the path that I would have chosen and it’s not always an easy ride. I try to make the most out of life and enjoy each day as much as I can. One of John’s famous quotes was “always look at the brighter side”. This memory has helped me to move forward and as one song goes “the sun will shine again”.

What I suggest:

Everyone’s healing process is different, but I strongly recommend counseling whether it’s through group sessions or on a one-on-one basis. Don’t hesitate to ask for the support of family and friends. You might feel that perhaps there was more that you could have done to prevent the loss of your loved one as I did, things do happen and you can’t prevent the future. Life is precious; don’t let the past hold you back as your loved one would want you to experience happiness again.