It's Your Story:
People on the Journey

<-- Back to It's Your Story

My Story - Patricia Schnarr

They say that your life can change in a moment, and I was to find this out first hand. December 6, 2001 seemed like any other day in our house, we all woke up and were busy getting ready to go to work and the kids off to school, but at the end of the day my husband, Maurice Kenneth Schnarr would not be coming home again.

I had gone to work, and my day was interrupted by a phone call from my father stating that the police were looking for me, because my husband had been hurt at work. I was sure that he was fine, and that he may have broken a bone. My office was not far from where he worked, so I went to see what had happened. As I got out of the car, his younger brother and his wife met me. They came rushing over to me and began to say that they were so sorry (sorry for what I thought). Everything became a blur after this, I was told that my husband had fallen and was killed instantly. I proceeded to tell the police, the paramedics and everyone else that they were all lying to me. This could not be happening we were to grow old together. It was not to end like this!

What I felt at first:

I was in shock and disbelief. How could this be? How could this happen? How could he have fallen? He was too strong to be killed this way; this was just a very bad dream. I was advised not to go to the accident site and was ushered away to my mother’s house. I don’t recall much of the days to follow. I had become physically sick and was emotionally numb. I still did not believe anyone, as I had not seen my husband’s body. It was not until the 3 days later that I saw him at the funeral home.

Even after seeing him, I still believed that this was not happening and that this was a hurtful joke that they were playing on me. I went through the motion of the funeral, I was there, but it felt like I was watching it all from a distance. My life I had known for the last 20 years was about to take an unexpected directional change. Everything I had based my life upon was now gone and things would be different now. I felt lost and alone, even when surrounded by friends and family. Some days I became over whelmed with sadness and anger. My days could be compared to a roller coaster ride, and I wanted off the ride.

What helped:

I was very lucky that I that such great support from family and friends. I was often over whelmed and surprised by the support I received from family, friends and strangers. I was strongly advised by them to attend a group session for grief at a local funeral home and one-on–one grief counseling. I was very reluctant to attend, but forced myself to go, deep down I knew I needed help. It now has been close to 3 years since the loss of my husband, and everyday gets a bit better with time. I will never stop feeling the pain, and just because I am starting to move on with my life, does not diminish the love and life I shared with my husband. One of my favorite lines from a movie goes something like this: “love is like the wind, I cannot see it, but I can still feel it”.

What I learned:

I learned that I have strength. After my husband died I did not think I would make it through another day. I now know that I can still enjoy life and have happiness in my life. I learned to lean on others for help ,and to ask for help when needed. We think that we can control our future, but the future is uncertain, and to stop worrying about tomorrow. I cherish time spent with family and friends, because memories are more important things.

What I suggest:

Try to be kind to yourself and not to blame yourself for things that happened. We cannot control what happens and things do happen for no reason at all. That’s just the way life is. Take time for your healing, we all need to go through our own grief, and not to worry about how other people will precieve what you do. If you want to have some fun and laugh do so and when you want to cry, cry. Talking things over with a friend, relative or provisional counselor helps. Try to remember that your life is not over and to enjoy it, as I am sure your love one would want you to.