It's Your Story:
People on the Journey

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My Story - Sunny Sumner

My story begins as a High School student when a set of piercing blue eyes met mine across the Chemistry Classroom. Now isn't that something-- Chemistry Class. Gord chased me until "I caught him" and together for almost 40 years we carved out a wonderful life for ourselves and our 3 beautiful children. I loved him with every fiber of my being. He was my life, my reason for getting up, going to bed and going on! Tragedy struck on the Father's Day weekend 2001 when upon arriving at our cottage in Muskoka, Gord asked me to check his urine. To my complete and utter shock, it was the colour of tea before you add milk. My heart stopped! I knew this was not a good sign and upon further investigation realized his skin had a yellow cast. The diagnosis was pancreatic cancer. We tried everything known to the medical profession but were told "There is no magic bullet for this one!" Gord's physical presence left this earth 10 months later on April 6th, 2002, 6 days short of his 59th Birthday. My life and the children's would never be the same.

What I felt at first:

As long as Gord was alive we never gave up hope he would turn the corner and we would receive a miracle. He turned a corner, but it was the wrong one! The children and I floundered through the numbness, the shock and disbelief. Disbelief still surfaces after almost 4 years. This is such a surprise to me, although I know it to be completely normal. It's a testament to the role he played in our lives and if I was not feeling pain there would be something wrong. I had no idea how I was going to go on being half a person without my other half. I felt lost, angry and alone even though the kids were here daily.

What helped the most:

I'm quite a balanced person and have a healthy mental attitude toward life and death but this was bigger than anything I'd ever had to deal with to date. I did not walk but ran to the nearest "Grief Support Group". This one didn't cut it for me and I was desperately searching for help. None was forthcoming from my belief system either so when a friend suggested I contact a friend of hers who received help from a Dr. Bill Webster, I wasted no time in searching out this person. In the Group Sessions with Dr. Bill, I was given the "tools" I needed to start on a path to rebuild my life which had been thrown into chaos by Gord's death. The support of Family and Friends was also important at this time. I weeded my people garden and those I counted on sometimes came as a surprise. New friends found through the Grief Group became pivotal in my rebuilding journey.

What I learned:

People are the most important aspect of one's life! My children were always important to me but they are even more important now. Also, I try and live each day for that day. I have a very hard time projecting into the future because my future has been shattered. However, as I continue to heal, the future is looking brighter and I'm almost able to believe there will be one. Still, the moment is what counts. Grief is work!!! Hard work and it takes a great deal of energy, time and patience.

What I suggest:

Seek out the folks who can best help you with the loss YOU are going through. I found Dr. Bill was the "ticket" for me because he knows the trauma of losing a partner. Tell your story as often as you can. When you keep repeating it, it becomes believable because in the beginning it is unbelievable!!!! Rest assured you will resolve the grief with hard work and arrive at a place where you will begin to live a whole life again. Trust the process!!! It would be so easy to give up and be "stuck" in grief. However, it's not a fun life and this is it !! My Sweetie would be proud of me! My kids are proud of me! I'm proud of me!